plz talk dirty to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
