oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
