Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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