; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
