wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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