some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
