How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
