Your face is a jimmy john
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
