Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
