dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
