im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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