eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
