you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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