I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
