The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
