you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
