if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
