I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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