just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
