Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
