HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
