tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
