i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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