I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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