everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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