Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
