i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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