can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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