East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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