She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
