btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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