i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
