I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
