My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
