Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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