Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
