just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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