So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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