is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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