This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
