I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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