On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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