At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
