The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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