the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
