you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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