the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
