I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
