there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
