first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We just shotgunned beers for America
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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